WHY I LOVE PC WORLD (NOT)

For several weeks now my mouse has been having hissy fits, it either dosen't click at all, or triple clicks, I cant mark off my bingo numbers, and my cut and pasting is pathetic.

Being a technophobe I decided this morning to tart up my computer and trotted off to PC World to get a new mouse. Mice were abundant, varying in price from £4.99 (cheapskate) up to £79.99 (showoff). I perused them all thoroughally, whilst trying to look like I knew what I was doing and picked up a shiny black and silver laser mouse for £9.99 (with 1600 DPI resolution - for smooth accurate control ) yeah OK !!!

I found a 14 year old spotty geek (salesboy) who assured me it was just what I needed, so off I went to the paydesk. I commented on their store security, which was a 9ft cardboard policeman placed in the entrance (scary or what). Well 2 minutes later it was, because as I walked past it all the sirens went off, (thank god for Tena Lady) I prayed for a hole in the ground to swallow me up, whilst hoping no one i knew saw me. Apparently the cashier was so busy chatting to me that she failed to disable the security chip, she cheerily waved me off, and I skulked back to the car and did a racing start out of the carpark, while feeling hundreds of accusing eyes on me.

I dashed home and duly presented my purchase to Matt, who I must admit looked quite impressed, so I decided to install the new Dell keyboard that I had bought a couple of years ago (just in case).

First the whole area needed to be moved out, cleaned vacuumed and polished, 2 inches of ash odd pills, smarties, ciggies, 1 slipper 5 earrings and a gold chain plus 26p in coppers, how does it all get there ?

Right time for the grand installation, cables are unplugged new items installed and wait for it, nothing bliddy works !!!! not the keyboard, not the mouse, so all the old stuff put back and I have got nowhere. Still my desk is clean and tidy and i might take a screwdriver to my old mouse. Any suggestions would be gratefuly received.

I took mum to a couple of appointments end of last week, I haven't written about it because I was so angry. First appointment was to the doctors for a 6 monthly check up.

Our Surgery is having major building work carried out, and the carpark is temporarily much smaller because of this. The only way in was to push her chair over uneven hardcore, and she moaned all the way, no thought to what it was doing to my back !!! The appointment only took 5 minutes, then we had to struggle over the hardcore (uphill this time) accompanied by more moans and groans. I was furious as the doctor asked her about her pain, and she said "oh its wonderful, I dont get any" which is totally untrue !!! (or is it)

Next day was her appointment for physio. Again the hospital was busy, but normally there are wheelchairs available. Mum decided she didnt want to take her chair and would use one of theirs. I found a parking space about 20 yards from the door, and I hobbled across to get a chair, by now my back was agony, they were all in use.

I went back to the car and told mum I would drop her at the entrance to save her walking, she was already out of the car and struggling towards me, she said she would walk !!

Once inside, and ensconced in her chair, she commented that people who were used to dealing with disabled persons would have stopped at the main entrance and dropped her off !!!!. I did point out (possibly too vocally) that I was disabled too, and i was the one doing the pushing, doing all the little jobs round her house, doing her shopping, washing her hair, making her bed etc etc etc. With this I left her in the waiting room, and went out, sat on a wall, smoked 2 ciggies and had a large cappuchino. Suitably refreshed I went back in time to collect her, where she smiled sheepishly and called me darling for the rest of the day.

Dont you just love em lol