Monday, 5 December 2011


I know we have more to come, but I am cold. Popped out to the local garage last night to grab some milk, and for the first time this year my dashboard was adorned with that little yellow snowflake. 2 degrees, but still flippin cold for my poor old heart and lungs. Within minutes I was almost on my knees, unable to breathe and with that crushing angina pain. I always carry my nitro spray with me (in fact I have a spray in every room, every bag and in the car) Sat a while with the heater on and managed to struggle home, once warmed up I was fine.

For the next few months any outings I undertake I will be attired as Scott of the Antarctic. I shall have a fur lined parka (synthetic of course) thermal vest gloves hat and bloomers, fishermans socks, longjohns and at least 2 pairs of trousers and my wooly slipper boots. I hate going out in the ice, and am terrified of losing my footing and falling arse over tit. I remember a couple of years ago doing the splits in deep snow in the middle of our village, Thing is you are so embarrassed that someone you know has seen you, you leap up laughing inanely and being really tough, and then have to walk home with a fanny full of snow !!!! Imagine the conversation with the doctor " and how did you get frostbite there Ms Reade ?" lol.

Oh well only 19 days to go to christmas, and still not a card written or a present bought. Mum told me yesterday what she really wanted for christmas, its one of those spikey flip floppy things that you put on the shower floor and stick your foot in it, wiggle it about and its supposed to clean and remove hard skin !!!! (last year all she wanted was a back brush for the shower). So what am I supposed to do? buy it and have her slip over with her super soapy feet and break her neck, or not buy her what she says is the only present that she would love, what a quandry I am in. I know it will never get used, as her feet are so ticklish she wont be able to bear it lol and I will probably get it back from her in June as a gift. (Bless her)

Well today was weigh in day, I didnt feel any thinner this month, so wasnt hoping for much, my joints have been painful, so I havent done as much excercise as I would have liked, although I have been doing knee bends while waiting for the kettle to boil, and buttock clenching whilst sitting at the computer, so hopefully I will be toning something up.

I got into the surgery (It is now sleeting) and saw Maxine my diabetic nurse. She complimented me on how great I was looking, well i was freshly coiffed and made up for a change. I jumped on the scales and wooohoooo another 6 pounds off making a total of 22 pounds. Maxine was so excited that she let out a loud squeal and waltzed me round the room.

I had to come clean and get a new prescription for some insulin as I had inadvertly frozen mine when the fridge went on the blink, but it was not a problem as I have another fridge in the wardrobe in the bedroom, where it resides with a 4ft fishtank, 2 dysons and a henry !!! (yes its a big wardrobe). Next weigh in is on the 9th January, so I will have an extra week to get over the holiday stuffing.

Thats all for now, hopefully more soon.

PS if you are reading this and like it, please say so xxx

Thursday, 1 December 2011


Oh my goodness its now 3am on the 2nd of December, not a present bought nor wrapped, but what the heck (does this face looked bovvered?) Every year I promise myself I will start in January and snatch up all the post christmas goodies, but never do. Then come June I remember my granny boiling up christmas puds in an old wash boiler in the back yard, this was done at least every 3 months during the year, and the puds were then fed with brandy and re-wrapped in their muslin overcoats until they had their final outing on christmas day when they were stuffed with silver sixpences and arrived at the table flaming with more brandy and as black as coal. I dont know what health and safety would make of real money in christmas puds nowadays, I am sure we swallowed a few in our time, and had to wait for a few days for the change.

Christmas was wonderful as a child, we alternated between our house one year and Nannys the next. Our house was great because we still had our mates to play with, but nannys was special too. It was the one day of the year when we were allowed to go in her front room, and even the loose covers were taken off the 3 piece suite. Lunch was always served at 1pm come hell or high water, grandad and dad wore their paper hats until long after we went to bed, and used to snore the afternoon away while the ladies (nanny, auntie Nellie and mum) washed up, amused children and cut sandwiches for teatime. Teatime was always a huge home cooked ham, tinned crab and smoked salmon, nannys christmas cake, trifle and sausage rolls and mince pies.

After tea the real exciting things happened, games of bingo !!! a beetle drive !!! Lexicon !!! and extra pressies from under the tree and silly prizes. Nanny and auntie Nellie were tee total, but we used to get them tiddly by dosing them with Stones ginger wine (which they thought was non alcoholic pop) they also loved Baileys, but only on their icecream lol.

So where is this leading ? well this year I am hoping as usual for a large fresh cock for christmas (thats a capon to you dirty minded readers) this I shall cook to perfection, and I will make the stuffing myself too. once I have completed this culinary masterpiece, I shall unthaw sprouts, give thanks to Aunt Bessies roast vegetables (also frozen) and glaze a few carrots.(Job done)

The cake and mincepies will be courtesey of Messrs ASDA, and I will travel to Iceland for the gateaux and pavlova. Christmas cards, well I still have the ones I wrote but failed to send last year, so all I need to do is buy a few pairs of socks and pants, a large bag of shower gels and various smellies from the chemist. Oh and assorted selection boxes, choccy oranges, toblerones, after 8 mints, alka seltzer, rennies and a few cases of Stella lager, then settle back and watch TV. (I really cant understand what all the panic is about.

I have just remembered, its now Friday and I have my second weigh in on Monday so maybe I should put off the shopping till Tuesday (will let you know how I get on)

Monday, 7 November 2011


Well here we are again, summer has been and gone and the leaves are turning into glorious autumn colours. Its been a quiet few months with nothing of note happening to blog about, and there is nothing worse than a load of drivel with no news so I decided to give it a rest and hope I would bounce back in order to give my few fans a smile or two.

OK so I guess the time is right for a catch up. This summer we have had another wedding (again not mine ) but a glorious day nevertheless. It was out in the country and of course in preparation mum and I had to do a reccee a couple of weeks before in order to get our bearings for the big day. We did quite well, only getting lost a few times, it did get a bit scary when one road we travelled down got more and more narrow and grass appeared in the middle of the tarmac, but it was very pretty. Ended up finding a huge garden centre and doing out favourite pastime, lunching.

Wedding morning dawned and we set off, mum in her buttermilk suit and me in a fetching navy patterned dress and shrug and very expensive shoes (with heels) Unfortunately the only parking available was a huge field, freshly mown, at the back of the church. I hopped out and got the wheelchair from the boot and straightaway caught my heel in long stalks of grass with teasels and brambles and went arse over tit. Managed to get mother into the chair and then found it impossible to drag the chair the few feet to the church pathway (which was gravel) grrrr. Fortunately other guests were arriving and several strong men came to the rescue and carried mum and chair, sedan chair style, onto firmer ground. A lovely day was had by all, excellent company, lovely food and non stop booze, and if it hadnt been for my back progressively seizing up I may even have had a smooch or two.

The new car is running well, and is very economical after the Focus, mum and I have had many jaunts around the county all ending in lunch somewhere, and I hope to continue these trips as often as the weather allows, so if the sun is out hopefully we will be too.

My latest trip to the diabetic clinic was quite an eye opener, in addition to the 2 types of insulin I am on they decided to put me on slow release metformin as my blood sugars are still way too high. Apparently insulin is responsible for weight gain, and I was on massive doses (100 ml 3 times a day) plus 100 ml Levimir a slow acting insulin at night which means 4 pricks a day !!!!
but to my credit I had managed to lose 7 lbs. Since being on the new tablets my blood sugars have come down a lot, and I am reducing my insulin already down between 40 and 50ml a dose and this has given me the incentive to DIET !!!!

I saw Maxine the diabetic practitioner at my surgery and had a chat to her before embarking on this new diet. She is a big girl herself, and was so encouraging I arranged to see her again in a month, and that month was up today. Guess what, I have lost 9 lbs so in total 16 pounds. I feel really proud, 9 pounds may not seem much but its over 2lb a week and I have been eating very sensibly, even having occasional treats.

I am hoping to try and up my excercise but its very difficult with the heart problems and the arthritis, but keep telling myself that the more weight i shift, the less strain for my joints, so at the moment I am feeling very positive.

Well thats me done for now, I hope to find some funny snippets for you in the weeks to come, because even I find it hard to type and eat at the same time

Friday, 10 June 2011

Back like the proverbial bad penny

Woke at 4:30 this morning to the sound of rain tinkling on my window pane, the first rain in weeks here. This of course meant that I had to go to the bathroom and do my own tinkling.

My shiny new bathroom which was replaced early this year and of course did NOT go without a hitch, started off very well, old toilet out and new one installed in a matter of hours, but how can you use it when needed if there are a plethera of workmen on site. I am paranoid about someone hearing me tinkle lol . Smart new pedestal sink installed next, and finally the bath which was sealed and filled with cold water to weigh it down for the night. Next morning lots of banging and crashing and i go upstairs to find the loo sitting on the landing and the sink on my bed !!!!! and even more worrying, no sign of any workmen. So here i was totally dishevelled and not a pot to pi** in.

Lunchtime came and went then another 2 guys turned up to lay the flooring !!! Even me, a mere woman could have worked out that this should have been done first as it is non slip sheet flooring that needs to be laid in one piece with no seams. Anyway the plumber eventually returned and fitted it all back, saying he would return tomorrow to finish off boxing in the bath. I couldnt wait to see the back of them, I hate strangers in the house, and it was bliss to have a working loo and i celebrated with a soak in the new bath. Job was eventually finished 4 days later (or so I thought)

Got up on the Saturday morning, the hand basin was totally blocked and the toilet leaking raw sewage onto the floor I rang the contractors (out of hours answerphone) and insisted they sort it out NOW. They rang back suggesting I put a bowl under the loo (duh I had) and said they would pop in on Monday to fix it. I think my colourful language convinced them that maybe they should come immediately and surprisingly they did.

More successful was the rewiring of the house. Same contractors so i was understandably concerned, but this time everything went like clockwork, all sockets replaced with doubles, and installed at high level for ease of use. No longer do I have extension leads throwing out more heat than the central heating lol, I even have an extra socket for my iron (like that will get used lol ) NOT !!!

Mum is still her unique self, she has a medi alert alarm in case she falls or needs help. It has been playing up a bit lately, and I usually get calls at about 3 in the morning to say she has fallen in the kitchen (usually when wandering about for a biscuit and a cuppa) In the past it has been a case of driving over in my jim jams, checking her over, picking her up and popping her back in bed. Unfortunately the last time she didnt have her buzzer pendant with her grrrrr and it was a very cold March night. She managed to crawl back to the bedroom to summon help but unfortunately she had got really cold, and i was really weak and couldn't lift her on my own, so had to summon little brother to help out. She said her ankle was hurting and I suggested we went to the hospital there and then, but since she had a lunch date the next day she said she was OK. She went to her lunch in agony apparently, when I saw her on the Monday her ankle was up like a balloon and her toes black so i told her we were going to the hospital, she said no the doctors will do !! so we went there, and surprise surprise they took one look and sent her to hospital . The verdict was one bad sprain, fortunately nothing broken. she agreed to rest the foot, but refused the ice packs and the elevation bless her.

Her latest escapade was getting marooned at the top of the garden. she somehow managed to get a bit of wheelspin on her electric scooter and bedded it down in the vegetable garden, as she did not have her sticks with her she was stuck at the top of the garden till she managed to raise a neighbour to come to her rescue.

Next week is going to be an exciting one, its time to trade in and change my car, I can't believe its been 3 years. This time I am downsizing to a Fiesta and hoping that i can fit in the wheelchair. I am sure it will be OK if I drop the back seats

Oh I almost forgot, I have finally got a new canary, he is Charlie number 2, I worried that he was mute for the first month, but after playing him clips off U-tube of singing canaries he has finally cottoned on, he sings beautifully, but unfortunately starts at 4 30 in the morning, and dosent stop till dusk.

I hope to post more catch ups soon take care xx